overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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