I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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