The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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