I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
