Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
