After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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