I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
