You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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