you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
