and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
