Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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