I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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