Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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