im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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