it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
