Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
