Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
