After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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