PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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