I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
