Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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