I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
