I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
