We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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