Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
