He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
