There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
