I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
