was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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