dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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