i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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