Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
