My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
