Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The power of my boobs compel you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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