I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
