What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
