Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
