Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I've blown a few things in my day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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