I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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