I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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