He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
