Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
