no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
