I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
