I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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