Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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