You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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