Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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