I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
