I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
