btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
