What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
