He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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